Have you ever done a layout about something you hate? Today I did and I couldn’t decide afterwards if I felt like it helped me therapeutically or if it just made me dwell on my anxieties.
I asked some of my scrapbooking friends in a facebook group what they thought about this topic and got some interesting answers. A consensus was that an art journal is a good place to put things like this – do I need another journal? Another creative outlet? I have decided no, my Travelers Notebook (TN) scrapbook is enough for me and for my outlets. I am not an ‘arty’ person as much as I am a creative one. In terms of art, cutting and sticking is my comfort zone. Paints and inks and freehand stuff I am not as confident with and also find I don’t enjoy much either, the process or the final product.
A lot of people felt that documenting hard stuff is not just cathartic but also necessary. You can’t just pretend your life is sunshine and daisy’s all the time.
Now for this particular occasion I’m not talking big life changing tragedy and loss. I have documented those kinds of stories, after lots of time and healing when I can look at them from a distance with a strong heart. Personally I know there are life events I never considered documenting when they were happening, it’s only afterwards I felt like I could.
On this occasion though I was thinking about a small thing, a thing that most people wouldn’t struggle with. A thing that I never used to struggle with and one that I hope one day to no longer struggle with. Appointments. I HATE appointments. Everywhere I go Drs, Dentist, the opticians (My absolute worst) all seem to have long wait times and stairs. Stairs! I have an almost 2 year old in a buggy. Am I supposed to take him out of the buggy, take him upstairs and expect him to sit there in the office of some medical professional while I am examined and sit still? Or do I employ some willing friend or other to come with me for the sole purpose of babysitting my kid while I go into said office – up or downstairs to find I no longer have phone signal and cannot be in contact with the person I have left in charge of my offspring? Or do I – and this is what I consider the next time I have to go alone – take him in the buggy, get to the bottom of the stairs, take him out of the buggy and carry him, the buggy and my rucksack (changing bag / toy cupboard) up the stairs, unfold the buggy and strap him back in to it? And then repeat the process going back down too.
I had all this going through my head when I turned the page in my planner to see I have another optician’s appointment on Monday. It is at this point that I am filled with dread about how to accomplish going with toddler in tow. What happens then is I think “I am such a single Mum”. And it is this thought that upsets me. Which is crazy, even if I was still with my son’s Dad there’s no guarantee he could be around to look after him while I attend my 3rd opticians appointment this month. Also the first occasion that caused all this stress was when we were still together. Granted I was a very new mum, breastfeeding and leaving my sweet, precious new-born alone for the first time. All the same I just feel helpless. And I hate feeling like that.
In the end I called to re-arrange my appointment and luckily my Mum can come with us and she will have an appointment after mine so we can tag team the toddler. Even so these places should really invest in lifts and this whole drama could be avoided.
Let me know if you’ve ever done a layout about something you hate.